"If you are going to be the parent of a boy, you might as well prepare yourself for an amazing adventure, as if you were a small child clambering onto the back of a huge winged dragon."He went on to write:
Michael Thompson; It’s a Boy: Understanding Your Son’s Development from Birth to Age 18
“ If you are a woman on the back of this dragon, you will swoop down to earth and see things in an entirely new way, through the eyes of a boy. For a mother, raising your son is the closest you will ever come to crossing that unabridged gender line.” and,
“If you are a father, you are going to rediscover everything about your own boyhood from a different angle, and it will be disorientating for you.”
I love this quote because it so captures what an adventure it is to be a raising a boy. I’m sure that there is an equally as captivating quote for raising little girls. I’m also sure that if you are raising a girl, you could switch the father and woman quotes and probably come pretty close to the truth. But, I’m raising a boy and a dragon it is! I read this quote a couple of weeks ago and while I understood it and loved the metaphor of it all, I don’t think I really “got it” until this weekend. Monkey has always been this beautiful combination of sensitive and rugged. Many people in our family have talked of his “healing” presence. He doesn’t take life seriously and reminds you to do the same. He seems to have a sixth sense about when people are upset and he doesn’t cuddle or hug them, but instead makes them laugh. He’s our little class clown. However, this weekend has brought out his rugged side. I’m not sure why I chose rugged, which reminds me a bit of a mountain man, but here are some different terms I might have used to describe this side: a) all boy b) acting with reckless abandon and giggling about it the whole entire time c) playing in such a way that makes me wonder how many times my heart can jump out of my chest before it just stops working and finally d) fearless.
Our ottoman, which is maybe 2.5 ft by 1ft , sits in front our couch. Today, it sat far away. Monkey has jumped from the couch to the ottoman and back again countless times since he was able to stand on his own. We are always near and it’s always less than 6 inches from the couch. However, I moved it to the middle of the room to vacuum. Monkey climbed on top, got his balance on the cushy surface and jumped. He barely made it. I didn’t think too much of it because our couch is huge, deep, and very soft. Then, to my
I am really trying to foster this “boyhood” with a watchful eye and allow him to gain his independence at a distance that is comfortable for both of us. However, for the 10 minutes that this went on, I probably held my breath for 5 of them. This is the dragon Thompson is talking about. This sure is an adventure but I’m not sure amazing would describe it. I think it would be better if he said “an adventure that will leave you breathless, and not because it’s so beautiful but because you spend most of your time holding your breath hoping that if you are not there to catch him when he falls, the couch will be.”
Here is the conundrum I have been struggling with the past few weeks: I am attempting (which seems like way too weak of a word) to nurture the adventure in him. I want him to take risks. I want him to be fearless. I want him to know that he always has a soft place to land, metaphorically speaking. However, when it comes to reckless abandon, the couch isn’t always there. Where do I draw the line and let him take a digger into the floor? I am all for natural consequences but I am also feeling the tug of protecting him. As a mother that protectiveness is instinctual and I have to fight it when it comes to Monkey. I don’t want him to be a nervous, scared child and I want him to experience consequences so that he can start to gain a sense of cause and effect.
Luckily he never got hurt and so all my fears went unfounded. This is hard working being a mom of a boy and with Bubsy getting older by the minute I have a feeling I will be breathless for years to come. I can only imagine that this breathlessness lasts well into manhood as you watch your little boy take hits in football, step on to a stage for a first time, go on a first date, take a big test, drive a car (maybe my sons will love public transportation?), go off to college, or even get married and have babies. I think I will always be holding my breath as my sons take risks. It will make the sigh of relief that much more special when I watch them succeed. While I know there will be failures, I can breathe easy knowing that I did all I could to foster a confidence within them that helped them get right back on that couch and jump to the ottoman, no matter how far away.
